Today's horoscopes
according to my three-year-old
You’re in luck today, subscribers. My three-year-old learned about horoscopes over the weekend.
Let me start by sharing that he happens to be a pretty witchy kid. He’ll often hear my phone ring and, without being able to see it, accurately name who’s calling. The day before I took a positive pregnancy test he told me I had a baby in my belly. And five months after we flew to New York, he casually told our neighbors we’d spent time at “gate 2C.” We checked our old flight emails to confirm— we had in fact departed from gate 2C. Lastly, when he was a year old, before he spoke full sentences, he pointed to an abstract painting of my dad and said, “Papou!” — the Greek word for grandpa. A word we’d never taught him. We had never even told him the painting was of my father… who was Greek. I can’t count the times my son has given me head-to-toe chills.
And now, he likes the concept of horoscopes. The idea that your birthday might contain secret instructions for your week. So, for today’s Leather & Silk, I read him each astrological sign, and his responses were immediate. I’ve translated them for you below. Do with this information what you will:
Aquarius: “Red the color”
Translation: Wear something red this week: a whole red outfit, one red sock, or even just a little red sticker on the back of your hand. Red is your lucky charm this week. Red will bring you good fortune.
Pisces: “You need a noodle!”
Translation: You need a noodle. Not sure how else to explain this one to you. Maybe it means you should order Thai food tonight even though you’d planned on cooking. Maybe it means you should find a pool to float in with a pool noodle this week. Or maybe you’re not giving enough time or attention to an idea floating around… and you need to noodle on it. Whatever form it takes, the message is unmistakable. You need a noodle.
Aries: “Pick up the phone, please”
Translation: Seems pretty direct to me. There is someone or something you’re not connecting with. A call you’ve thought about making but haven’t. My kid says this is the week to pick up that phone! Reach out to that person. OR. If your phone rings, and you’re feeling some resistance, it might be better to answer. Either way. Your mantra this week should be “Pick up the phone, please.”
Taurus: “They should do dancing”
Translation: This one is clear too. If you want the stars to cooperate this week, you’re going to have to dance for it. Even if just for two minutes. Set a timer. Wear headphones. Find someplace private. Or grab a friend. However you can best let some energy go. The stars wouldn’t lie about this! Need inspo? Start with Queen & David Bowie. I wouldn’t miss this opportunity.
Gemini: "Birds” (said in a whisper)
Translation: Okay this one is interesting, and could be interpreted in several ways. The whisper feels especially important to consider. Slow down, lower your voice, and listen for the birds. You Geminis should be carving out meditation time today. Follow a bird. Watch for birds. Trust the birds. Shhhh. They’re trying to tell you something this week.
Cancer: “Thursday is okay!”
Translation: Alright. Good news, Cancers. Thursday is handled. Whatever is happening, whether it’s a big meeting or something more low key. It’s going to be an okay day for you. This might be your sign to schedule something you’re usually afraid of for Thursday so you don’t have to worry! But if you have a hot date scheduled for Thursday, maybe postpone it, otherwise it’ll just be “okay.”
Leo: “Don’t use too much water.”
Translation: Wow. He seems pretty serious about this one. You might want to be mindful about watering your plants? Or spending too much time in the pool or ocean this week? It feels like he’s trying to protect you with this one. Keep your showers brief. Approach oceans with appropriate humility. Is it Shark Week or something? Stay safe out there.
Virgo: “Blow a candle and say, 'What!’”
Translation: You read that correctly. If you want to start your week off right, blow out a candle and say, “what!” It sounds to me like you should be making a wish. You should be leaning into magic and superstition this week. You may already be doing that just by reading this Substack post. So why stop now? Get yourself to a candle! And don’t forget to say what.
Libra: “Finding a lizard!”
Translation: You might want to find time for a walk or a hike. Go where the lizards are. This is not the week to wait indoors for one to find you. Or. Maybe this one means something else. As masters of camouflage that thrive in harsh environments, lizards could be a metaphor. Finding a lizard might be about searching for something within you that’s hiding. Maybe tap into your resourcefulness. Ask yourself, how can I adapt today?
Scorpio: “Pens and markers”
Translation: This one seems simple enough to decode. This is a week to create. Not to consume. Or shop. This week is about output. Write. Draw. Document. There is something quiet about this one too. To use pens and markers requires quiet focus. No way to erase. Be intentional. As a Scorpio, I’ll take this one to heart and report back.
Sagittarius: “Clean up time!”
Translation: Okay. This is maybe not what you wanted to hear. But it sounds like this week is the time to tackle that mess you’ve made. The mess may be physical. It may be relational. Unfortunately, he didn’t specify. Maybe you’re in a fight with your mom. Maybe you have a cabinet that’s been needing a reorg. Apparently this is the week to address it and try to make it right. Do it this week and something fruitful will come of it. My kid wouldn’t lie. Actually, he would. But not about this!!
Capricorn: “Twins”
Translation: Oh god! What does it mean! If you’re pregnant but haven’t had an ultrasound yet, prepare yourself? If you know some twins, gravitate towards them this week, or at least one of them. Or maybe this is the week to connect with someone you feel eerily similar to. Who would you say is your twin? It might be a good week to check on them or make a direct effort to connect. The cosmos is begging for a reunion.
… and that concludes my first installment of horoscopes according to a three-year-old. If any of my kid’s predictions come true, please tell me immediately. If you’d like another round next month, let me know and I’ll see if he’s in a witchy mood.
♥
I’m a very pregnant cancer and my due date is Friday. I’m really hoping your little guy is right about Thursday!!! 🥰🤞🏻
lol I’m a Capricorn and my bestie (who has a 2 year old) just told me she’s pregnant with twins and I’m dying